How I Indoctrinated My Child into the Gender-Critical Cult

When Satire Is No Longer Satire

While this piece started out as a satirical response to “How to Parent a Gender Dysphoric Kid - Afterthoughts” on pittparents.com, the striking parallels between the actions described in the essay and the manipulative tactics used by cults and extremist groups suggest that my edits are no longer merely satire, but a disturbingly accurate portrayal of harmful parenting practices exposed. The line between the original content and the satirical critique has become blurred, revealing the inherent toxicity of the advice given in the essay. I cannot really qualify this as “satire” anymore, as it has moved beyond satire and instead has become a poignant exposé of the harmful and manipulative practices described in the original essay.

The saddest part for me in all this? This is someone’s real parenting and real parenting advice to other parents with trans kids. These are their words describing their perspective of their experiences. It was already a victim to Poe’s law before I started, and I admit I missed it. I wrote an entire satirical piece before I realized just what it was. I though it was pretty good, you can read it here.

Instead, I started replacing the original euphemistic language with more direct descriptions of the actions taken. It becomes clear that these tactics are not about supporting or protecting a child, but rather about indoctrinating them into a specific ideology and suppressing their authentic identity. Also, to be clear, there is absolutely some artistic license involved here, as I can only speculate. I chose to give weight to the most commonly shared advice, thoughts, and rhetoric in forums for parents like these to formulate the responses. It was my best attempt to keep it as close to reality as I could.

So to read this, you will need to know that the strikethrough visually demonstrates how the original essay's language can be stripped away to reveal the true intentions behind the advice given, shown in italics. You will also see in-line citations like this “(Row 1)” - these are citations to a table further down that point out that this sentence or section relates to a particular row in the table. I will not say any more, as I do not want to spoil it for you. Please be sure to reference the table at the end.

Earlier this month I authored two essays on how to parent indoctrinate a dysphoric trans kid for PITT - see here and here (Row 1). I chose that title for these essays because, back in 2019 when I was first dealing with this issue with my 11-year-old, this was just the kind of advice I was seeking. I needed specific actions and strategies that would help my daughter to desist conform to my beliefs while I was still able to have the most influence over her (Row 2 in Table). Now I'm following those essays with some additional thoughts.

It took speaking with many parents who have gone through this to have it actually sink in that drastic and deliberate, yet strategic action, was required to navigate this. You are essentially getting your kid out of indoctrinating your kid into a cult mindset and need to respond appropriately (Row 1). I was in denial for a long time about this and hoped it would go away. I assumed other "professionals" saw this social contagion authentic identity for what it was. I was very wrong about that. One of the most helpful things someone else who went through this ever said to me was "no one is coming to save you." That harsh truth was what it took for me to realize this was on me as the parent - not any therapist, not any professional, not any politician, not anyone else.

The strategy can and will change if your kid is older but the fundamentals remain the same. I've not been in this situation but I've heard from professionals other indoctrinators I trust that once your child medicalizes seeks gender-affirming care, the "strategy" really focuses on maintaining a relationship control over your child, regardless of their age (Row 14).

You cannot have any influence over your child if you do not have a relationship control over them (Row 15). I realize sometimes even that isn't enough, especially if your child is dealing with other issues, such as mental illness, severe manipulation, etc. My heart breaks for everyone, especially parents, in this situation.

I will say that regardless of the child's age, as long as they are not rushing to medicalize to transition (do whatever it takes to delay, delay, delay)(Row 12&13), there is still a ton of potential for things to turn around, provided the parents are willing to do the (long, hard, exhausting) work needed. This is where getting the help of non-affirming gender-critical parent coach or professional who is in the know is really a wise investment.

Clarifications: Examples of Indoctrination Tactics:

I have two daughters who are roughly three years apart. This story was about my oldest. My youngest is very outgoing, social and loves being very feminine. My girls are almost complete opposites but love each other dearly. When my 11-year-old first tried to get us to use male pronouns expressed her authentic gender identity (Row 6), my other daughter cried and said, "I don't want a brother, I want my sister". Little sister was too young to really be an ally or even fully understand what was going on challenge my indoctrination efforts a lot of the time and we didn't want to put any additional burden on her I didn't want her to support her sister's transition. The few times we talked about things, I used very high level concepts with her (such as big sister is just working through some things being manipulated by the "trans cult" and that we (her parents) were going to help her through it make sure she does not transition and things would be ok and she did not have to worry)(Row 7) and let her know she could continue interacting with her sister in whatever way it made her feel comfortable that reinforced my gender-critical beliefs and that she did not have to do anything differently use her sister's preferred name or pronouns (Row 6). We got lucky in that my youngest never used any other name or pronouns for her older sister, mainly because I don't think she ever saw her older sister differently I successfully prevented her from understanding and accepting her sister's identity (Row 8). I did not want to do or say anything that would harm the relationship they had or put any burden on younger sister allow my younger daughter to support or affirm her older sister's gender identity.

I think part of what caused distress for my oldest is that she saw how social and outgoing and how feminine her younger sister was and that made her feel insecure about her own sense of self as a girl even more certain about her gender identity. We had conversations about stereotypes and about why they exist, when they are helpful and when they are not helpful and that they ultimately do not define who we are should be rigidly enforced (Row 9) and should never always be used as a reason to make permanent or final decisions deny someone's gender identity.(Row 10&11)

Youtube/anime/roleplay/furries etc. Isolation, Spying, and Information Control:

We heavily restricted internet access in the beginning (Row 3&5). We showed her articles and watched a few videos on how social media is horrible for children the "trans agenda" is targeting kids (Row 11) and let her know we would not be doing our jobs as parents if we didn't take this seriously and that we had made a mistake by allowing unlimited access in the past. I even went so far as to lock all the Netflix profiles with an age restriction and manually removed titles from what was available for my kids (heartbreakers for example). You can do this from your online parent account. Just google what shows have "trans" or "lgbtq" themes on Netflix and block it from their profile (Row 4). My daughter was never too heavily into anime, but liked Kipo and She-Ra and Nimonia, etc. I let her have Netflix back after I cleaned it up. We still don't allow youtube on her personal phone or laptop but she watches it at school. We slowly gave her Instagram back after about six months but only with the contingency that she allow me to supervise it and log in as her at any time. I am logged in as her on my phone and so get all her notifications, etc. I have still blocked any roleplay sites (like warrior cats). She did return to playing some roblox with friends she's known forever and does have access to Discord to call her friends while she's playing it. Same thing, I am logged in as her on Discord so have full access to everything. The bark phone also still monitors everything so, if she is using an alt account, I would still be notified of inappropriate chats/content, etc. She is still time restricted online. We focus on getting out of the house first, doing chores, playing games, etc before we get online. I want it to be last resort. It is hard because she likes drawing and loves trading drawings with the online art community, but of course, almost every character people send to her to draw has "top surgery" scars on them, or is LGBTQ or trans. After a while it really gets to my daughter. She now sees how this stuff is everywhere. I think most parents have NO CLUE how crazy rampant this stuff is online and what their kids are being exposed to, especially if they're into the art or fantasy stuff online. They grow up thinking all of this is normal and that it's no big deal being trans or having your breasts surgically removed. It's really screwing up a lot of our kids along with all of the adults promoting this stuff. It's a travesty. With furries and requests for furry suits/going to furrycon, etc - we just kind of ignored these repeated requests or were always busy when something was in town. Eventually she became embarrassed that she liked them so much. She still likes the creativity and animal aspect of furries but sees that this fandom is heavily "transed" and has been compromised by this belief system and that a lot of people who are into this really have no other motivation in life. You really do have to work hard to get your children interested in and out into the "real world". Do whatever it takes to get them out into it.(Row 16)

Trust yourself. Allow grace. Be stoic. Gaslight, Manipulate, and Control.

It is time to lay it all out on the table…

The table below clearly demonstrates how the parenting strategies promoted in the original essay above closely mirror the coercive and manipulative techniques used by cults and extremist groups to control and exploit their members. By drawing these connections, we can see that the advice given in the article is not merely misguided or ill-informed, but actively harmful and abusive.

This is how the table is structured and defined:

Column 1: Action/Advice in Article
This column lists the specific actions, strategies, or pieces of advice given by the parent in the original essay. These range from deliberate attempts to make the child desist from their transgender identity to restricting access to information and enforcing rigid gender stereotypes.

Column 2: Cult/Extremist Church Tactic
This column draws parallels between the actions and advice in the essay and the tactics commonly used by cults and extremist religious groups to control and manipulate their members. These tactics include things like coercive persuasion, suppression of individuality, isolation from outside influences, and emotional manipulation.

Column 3: Abusive/Bad Parenting in Other Contexts
This column examines whether the actions and advice given in the essay would be considered abusive or examples of bad parenting in contexts other than dealing with a child's gender identity. It highlights how many of these behaviors, such as denying a child's autonomy, invalidating their experiences, and prioritizing parental control over the child's well-being, are recognized as forms of emotional abuse and neglect.

By organizing the information in this way, the table provides a clear and concise comparison between the parenting practices promoted in the essay and the harmful, manipulative tactics used by cults and extremist groups. It also underscores the idea that these behaviors are not unique to the context of gender identity but are widely recognized as abusive and detrimental to a child's development and well-being.

Since I am not going to be able to put inline citations/footnotes into the image of the table, I wanted to provide the citations to support the comparisons made.
I can cite the following sources that discuss the tactics used by cults and extremist groups, as well as research on emotional abuse and neglect in parent-child relationships. Here are the sources I used:

• Lalich, J., & Langone, M. D. (2006). Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships. Bay Tree Publishing.

  • This book provides insights into the coercive persuasion techniques used by cults and abusive relationships, as well as strategies for recovery and healing.

• Bernstein, E. M., & Putnam, F. W. (1986). Development, reliability, and validity of a dissociation scale. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 174(12), 727-735.

  • This study discusses the use of information control and isolation as a tactic for promoting dissociation and dependency in cult environments.

• Hibbard, R., Barlow, J., MacMillan, H., & Committee on Child Abuse and Neglect. (2012). Psychological maltreatment. Pediatrics, 130(2), 372-378.

  • This article discusses the various forms of emotional abuse and neglect in parent-child relationships, including the denial of personal identity and autonomy, invalidation of experiences and feelings, and lack of empathy and understanding.

• Katz-Wise, S. L., Ehrensaft, D., Vetters, R., Forcier, M., & Austin, S. B. (2018). Family functioning and mental health of transgender and gender-nonconforming youth in the Trans Teen and Family Narratives Project. The Journal of Sex Research, 55(4-5), 582-590.

  • This study highlights the importance of family support and acceptance for the mental health and well-being of transgender and gender-nonconforming youth, and the potential consequences of parental rejection and invalidation.

• Rafferty, J., & Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health. (2018). Ensuring comprehensive care and support for transgender and gender-diverse children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 142(4), e20182162.

  • This article, published by the American Academy of Pediatrics, emphasizes the importance of providing comprehensive, affirming care for transgender and gender-diverse youth, and the potential risks of delaying or denying gender-affirming medical treatment.

• Turban, J. L., Beckwith, N., Reisner, S. L., & Keuroghlian, A. S. (2020). Association between recalled exposure to gender identity conversion efforts and psychological distress and suicide attempts among transgender adults. JAMA Psychiatry, 77(1), 68-76.

  • This study found that exposure to gender identity conversion efforts, which often involve many of the tactics described in the table, was associated with higher rates of psychological distress and suicide attempts among transgender adults.

These sources provide a mix of psychological research, expert analysis, and clinical guidelines that support the comparisons made in the table and highlight the potential harm caused by the parenting strategies described in the original article (not the satire). By drawing on this evidence, we can show that these tactics are not only misguided but are also actively harmful to the well-being of transgender and gender-nonconforming youth.