Parenting a Potentially Transgender Child: Education, Not Indoctrination

As a parent, there are few things more challenging than navigating the complexities of a child's identity development. When a child begins to express gender non-conformity or question their gender identity, it can be a time of great uncertainty, fear, and even helplessness for many parents. We want what's best for our children, but may feel ill-equipped to support them through this journey.

In the face of these challenges, it's natural to seek out guidance and advice from others who have faced similar situations. However, not all advice is created equal, and some approaches that may initially seem reasonable can actually do more harm than good. Such is the case with a recent article published on pittparents.com, titled "How to Parent a Gender Dysphoric Kid."

While the article's tone and some of its suggestions may appear measured and sensible at first glance, a closer examination reveals that it promotes a perspective rooted in indoctrination rather than education. By encouraging parents to isolate their children from supportive resources, control their social interactions, and impose a specific view of gender identity, the article ultimately advocates for an approach that can be deeply damaging to transgender and gender-questioning youth. At the very least, if your child is not trans, then you will have indoctrinated your child into holding prejudiced and bigoted views of transgender people in general.

Alarmingly, the tactics promoted in the pittparents.com article bear a striking resemblance to the misguided and harmful practices once used by parents attempting to "convert" or "cure" their gay and lesbian children. Just as those efforts were grounded in misinformation, fear, and a rejection of children's authentic selves, so too does this article's advice perpetuate a narrow, prescriptive view of gender identity that denies children the freedom and support to explore and understand their own experiences.12

In this article, we'll take a closer look at the pitfalls of the pittparents.com piece and propose an alternative approach grounded in facts and evidence, advocating for education, support, and individualized care. By providing our children with the tools and resources they need to safely explore their identities, while offering unconditional love and acceptance, we can create an environment where they can thrive and grow into their most authentic selves, regardless if that ultimately leads to a cisgender or transgender identity. That is not the critical aspect to focus on here, loving them for who they are is. As we will see, this does not mean we "groom our kids" or allow the "trans agenda" to "indoctrinate" them for us, but it means we stand and serve as guides and an external critical thinking partner with and for our kids.

I should warn you in advance, there is a lot of ground to cover, so this is a very long-form essay in response.

Defining Key Terms

Let’s start by defining key terms, so that we have a clear understanding of what we mean when we use certain words, or why we represent them the way we do.

Education
Education, in the context of supporting transgender and gender-questioning youth, involves providing accurate, age-appropriate information and resources to help children explore their identity in a safe and supportive environment. This approach is grounded in the understanding that gender identity is a complex and deeply personal aspect of an individual's sense of self, and that children benefit from having the freedom and support to explore and understand their own experiences without pressure or judgment.34

Crucially, education should provide children with the tools to think critically and apply information in a way that allows for self-determination. Rather than dictating how a child should think about themselves or others, effective education empowers children to ask questions, consider multiple perspectives, and draw their own conclusions based on evidence and their own experiences.5 This approach fosters resilience, autonomy, and self-awareness, which are essential for healthy identity development.6

Effective education on gender identity should be evidence-based, drawing on the latest research and expert guidance from medical and mental health professionals who specialize in working with transgender and gender-diverse youth. It should also be inclusive, acknowledging the diversity of gender identities and expressions, and emphasizing the importance of respecting and affirming each child's unique journey.7

Indoctrination
In contrast to education, indoctrination involves imposing a specific belief system or ideology on children, often through fear, shame, or the suppression of critical thinking.89 Indoctrination seeks to control and manipulate a child's understanding of themselves and the world around them, rather than empowering them to explore and draw their own conclusions.

Indoctrination teaches children how to think about themselves and others, rather than providing them with the tools to think critically and make informed decisions. This approach can lead to a rigid, binary view of gender and a rejection of any identities or expressions that fall outside of this narrow framework.10

In the context of gender identity, indoctrination may involve presenting a narrow, binary view of gender, insisting that a child's gender must align with their assigned sex at birth, or dismissing a child's expressed gender identity as a phase or a result of outside influence. Indoctrination often relies on discredited theories, such as Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria (ROGD), and unsupported claims about the supposed dangers of affirming a child's gender identity.11

Gender Dysphoria
Gender dysphoria refers to the distress that may accompany the incongruence between one's experienced or expressed gender and their assigned sex at birth.7 It is important to note that not all individuals who identify as transgender or gender-diverse experience gender dysphoria, and that experiencing gender dysphoria is not a prerequisite for identifying as transgender.12

For some individuals, however, gender dysphoria can cause significant distress and may be alleviated through various forms of gender-affirming care, such as social transition, hormone therapy, or surgery. The decision to pursue gender-affirming care should be made on an individual basis, in consultation with medical and mental health professionals, and with the informed consent of the child and their family.13

'Gender Critical'
The term 'gender critical' is used by individuals and groups who oppose the concept of gender identity and the rights of transgender individuals. 'Gender critical' activists often claim to be defending the rights of cisgender women and argue that transgender rights undermine these rights.14 However, as Amery (2023) notes, "most of the most critical work on sex and gender […] is happening in the very spaces […] many 'gender critical' feminists oppose."15

Throughout this article, we will use scare quotes when referring to 'gender critical' beliefs and activism to underscore the problematic nature of this term and to emphasize that these views are not, in fact, grounded in a critical analysis of gender. Instead, 'gender critical' rhetoric often relies on misinformation, fear-mongering, and the perpetuation of harmful stereotypes about transgender individuals, particularly transgender youth.16

By clearly defining these key terms and explaining our use of scare quotes, we aim to provide readers with a nuanced understanding of the issues at hand and to set the stage for a critical analysis of the pittparents.com article and its potential consequences for transgender and gender-questioning youth.

Analyzing the Article

First, I want to take another moment to acknowledge the author’s seemingly reasonable tone and the parents' good intentions.

At first glance, the pittparents.com article "How to Parent a Gender Dysphoric Kid" may appear to offer measured, sensible advice to parents facing the challenges of supporting a child who is questioning their gender identity. The author shares their personal story and experiences, which can lend an air of authenticity and relatability to their perspective. It is important to recognize that many parents in this situation are motivated by a genuine desire to do what is best for their child, and the article's tone and some of its suggestions may resonate with these concerns.17

However, upon closer examination, it becomes clear that the article's seemingly reasonable veneer belies a deeper agenda rooted in misinformation, fear, and a fundamental misunderstanding of gender identity development. While the author's intentions may be sincere, the advice they offer is ultimately misguided and potentially harmful to the very children they aim to protect.18

The article's tone and personal anecdotes should not be mistaken for evidence-based guidance or professional expertise. As we will explore in the following sections, the assumptions, theories, and parenting practices promoted in the article are not supported by scientific research or the recommendations of major medical and mental health organizations. Instead, they reflect a narrow, binary view of gender that fails to account for the diversity of human experience and the importance of affirming and supporting a child's authentic self.19

Identifying the harmful assumptions and misinformation promoted in the article

1. Framing transgender identities as a trend, phase, or result of social contagion

One of the most pervasive and harmful assumptions promoted in the pittparents.com article is the notion that transgender identities are a trend, a phase, or the result of social contagion. The author repeatedly suggests that children and adolescents are being influenced by peers, social media, or a supposed "transgender ideology" to identify as transgender, rather than experiencing a genuine, deeply-felt sense of their own gender identity.20

This assumption is not supported by scientific evidence or the lived experiences of transgender individuals. Research has consistently shown that transgender identities are not a choice or a passing fad, but rather a fundamental aspect of a person's sense of self that often emerges early in life and remains stable over time.21 The idea of social contagion, popularized by the discredited notion of "rapid onset gender dysphoria," has been thoroughly debunked by experts in the field.22

By framing transgender identities as a trend or a product of external influence, the article dismisses the validity and authenticity of transgender children's experiences. This dismissal can lead to parents and caregivers failing to provide the support, affirmation, and access to appropriate care that transgender youth need to thrive.23

2. Promoting parenting practices that suppress rather than support gender exploration

Another concerning aspect of the pittparents.com article is its promotion of parenting practices that aim to suppress or discourage a child's exploration of their gender identity. The author advises parents to limit their child's access to information and resources about transgender identities, to enforce strict gender norms and expectations, and to resist their child's "demands" for affirmation or support.

These practices are not only unsupported by research but actively harmful to transgender and gender-questioning youth. Studies have consistently shown that family support and affirmation are crucial protective factors for transgender children's mental health and well-being.24 Conversely, rejection and attempts to suppress a child's gender identity are associated with increased rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidality among transgender youth.25

By encouraging parents to stifle their child's gender exploration and expression, the article sets the stage for a hostile and unsupportive family environment that can have severe and lasting consequences for the child's mental health and development.26

3. Relying on discredited theories and unsupported claims about gender identity development

Throughout the article, the author relies on discredited theories and unsupported claims about gender identity development to justify their recommended parenting practices. For example, they repeatedly reference the notion of "rapid onset gender dysphoria" (ROGD), a controversial hypothesis that has been widely criticized by experts in the field for its methodological flaws and lack of empirical support.27

The article also makes sweeping generalizations about the supposed causes of transgender identities, such as trauma, mental illness, or a desire to "fit in" with a perceived trend. These claims are not supported by scientific evidence and fail to account for the diverse range of experiences and factors that may contribute to an individual's gender identity.28

By basing their advice on discredited theories and unsupported claims, the article misleads parents and perpetuates harmful misconceptions about transgender identities. This misinformation can lead to ineffective and even damaging parenting practices that fail to address the genuine needs and concerns of transgender and gender-questioning youth.29

4. Relying only on one-sided and biased sources

And this leads us to a striking inconvenient truth about this article: the author's reliance on a narrow range of sources that present a biased, one-sided perspective on transgender identities and gender-affirming care. Throughout the article, the author cites studies, articles, and organizations that are well-known for their skepticism or outright opposition to affirming transgender youth, while failing to engage with the extensive body of research and expert consensus that supports such affirmation as best practice.3030

For example, the author cites the work of Lisa Littman, whose study on "rapid onset gender dysphoria" has been widely criticized for its methodological flaws and biased sample selection.31 Littman's study relied on surveys of parents recruited from websites known for their anti-transgender views, leading to a skewed and unrepresentative sample that cannot be generalized to the broader population of transgender youth and their families.32

The article also references organizations like 4thWaveNow and Transgender Trend, which are known for promoting anti-transgender views and spreading misinformation about gender-affirming care.33 These organizations often cherry-pick data, misrepresent research findings, and rely on anecdotal evidence to support their claims, rather than engaging with the full body of scientific literature on transgender health and well-being.34

By selectively citing sources that align with their pre-existing views and ignoring the wealth of evidence that contradicts their position, the author presents a distorted and misleading picture of the current state of research and clinical practice related to transgender youth. This biased approach to sourcing information undermines the credibility of the article's claims and recommendations, as it fails to provide readers with a balanced, accurate understanding of the complex issues at hand.35

As parents faced with something unknown to us, to a concept, experience, or aspect of being we cannot understand, we are required to be responsible consumers of information, it is crucial that we approach articles like this with a critical eye, seeking out diverse perspectives and evaluating the quality and reliability of the sources cited. By failing to engage with the full range of available evidence and expert opinion, the pittparents.com article does a disservice to parents seeking genuine guidance and support in navigating their child's gender journey.36

Examining the consequences of the article's approach

1. Damaging the child's self-esteem and mental health

One of the most concerning potential consequences of following the advice promoted in the pittparents.com article is the damage it can cause to a child's self-esteem and mental health. By encouraging parents to suppress or discourage their child's exploration of their gender identity, the article sets the stage for a family environment that is unsupportive, invalidating, and potentially harmful.37

Research has consistently shown that transgender and gender-nonconforming youth who lack family support and acceptance are at significantly higher risk for depression, anxiety, self-harm, and suicidality compared to those who have affirming and supportive families.38 When parents reject or attempt to change their child's gender identity, they send a message that there is something wrong or unacceptable about who their child is, which can have devastating effects on the child's self-worth and emotional well-being.39

Moreover, by limiting a child's access to information and resources about transgender identities and experiences, parents may inadvertently increase their child's feelings of isolation, confusion, and distress. Without the opportunity to learn about and connect with others who share their experiences, transgender and gender-questioning youth may struggle to develop a positive sense of self and find the support they need to thrive.40

2. Eroding trust and communication within the family

Another significant risk of the parenting practices promoted in the pittparents.com article is the erosion of trust and communication within the family. When parents prioritize their own discomfort or preconceived notions about gender over their child's expressed identity and needs, they create a rift in the parent-child relationship that can be difficult to repair.41

Children who feel that their parents are not listening to them, do not believe or respecting their experiences, or supporting them in their effort to be true to themselves may become less likely to confide in their parents about other important aspects of their lives, such as their friendships, romantic relationships, or mental health concerns.42 This breakdown in communication can leave transgender and gender-questioning youth without the essential support and guidance they need from their families during a critical period of development.43 As a result, they may seek alternative methods to achieve the care and support they seek, often without the parent’s knowledge, when faced with seemingly intractable parents that refuse to believe them.

Furthermore, when parents engage in behaviors that their child experiences as rejecting or invalidating, such as refusing to use their child's chosen name and pronouns or enforcing strict gender norms, they may inadvertently push their child away and damage the long-term health of the family unit.44 Rebuilding trust and fostering open, honest communication can be a challenging process, underscoring the importance of approaching a child's gender journey with empathy, respect, and a commitment to maintaining strong family bonds. In my experience, the longer this rift remains, the deeper it grows and the more difficult it is to heal. I have seen first hand wherein this has escalated to being “unforgivable” and reconciliation became a non-option.

3. Delaying or preventing access to appropriate medical and mental health care

Perhaps one of the most dangerous potential consequences of the pittparents.com article's approach is the delay or prevention of access to appropriate medical and mental health care for transgender and gender-questioning youth. By promoting skepticism and misinformation about gender-affirming care, the article may discourage parents from seeking out the professional support and guidance their child needs to navigate their gender identity and address any related mental health concerns.45

Gender-affirming care, which may include counseling, social transition, hormone therapy, and surgical interventions, has been shown to significantly improve mental health outcomes and overall well-being for transgender individuals.46 Delaying or denying access to such care can exacerbate gender dysphoria and contribute to the alarmingly high rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidality among transgender youth.47

Moreover, by encouraging parents to view their child's gender identity as a "phase" or a "trend," the article may lead them to postpone seeking professional evaluation and treatment, causing the child to miss out on critical opportunities for early intervention and support.48 This delay can have long-lasting effects on the child's mental health and social-emotional development, as well as their ability to access gender-affirming care in the future.49

It is crucial for parents to understand that gender-affirming care is not a one-size-fits-all approach, but rather a collaborative process that involves the child, the family, and a multidisciplinary team of healthcare providers working together to develop an individualized plan that prioritizes the child's health, well-being, and autonomy.50 By spreading misinformation and fear about such care, the pittparents.com article risks depriving transgender and gender-questioning youth of the essential support and resources they need to thrive. There is an entire process of checks and balances that exists within both the medical community and insurance providers, as they follow established standards of care alongside additional requirements set by the insurances.

There is a lot of scaremongering over Planned Parenthood doling out hormones like candy to minors, but that simply is not the case. This is not to say that exceptions exist, because depending on where you live and what the local state laws are, this can happen. However, it must be pointed out that this is rare. Across the board, Planned Parenthood requires parental consent to begin hormone treatment for anyone under 18. This is their policy. 51

In Closing…

As we have demonstrated throughout this article, though it may be have started with good intentions, the pittparents.com article "How to Parent a Gender Dysphoric Kid" is a dangerous and misguided piece of propaganda that relies on debunked theories, biased sources, and fear-mongering tactics. It perpetuates harmful stereotypes and undermines the well-being of transgender and gender-questioning youth. The article's tactics are disturbingly similar to the harmful practices once used by parents attempting to "convert" or "cure" their gay and lesbian children. In essence, it promotes a form of "gender exploratory therapy," which is nothing more than gender conversion therapy rebranded and grounded in misinformation, fear, and a rejection of children's authentic selves. Don’t be fooled folks - it is your kid that will pay the price, and your relationship with them will suffer or disappear as a result.

As parents, caregivers, and concerned individuals, we must hold accountable those who spread such dangerous misinformation. We must prioritize the voices of qualified medical and mental health professionals who have dedicated their careers to understanding and supporting transgender and gender-diverse youth. It is our responsibility to create inclusive, affirming environments in our homes, schools, and communities, where all children can explore their identities without fear of judgment or retribution.

The best approach to parenting a potentially transgender child is one that follows evidence-based practices and allows room for exploration and self-discovery. Educate yourselves and your child, recognizing that what they think and believe is true and real for them now. Accept that your child may or may not be transgender, and give them the support and guidance they need to figure it out for themselves. Listen to and believe your child, but also serve as guides and critical thinking partners. Focus on your child's overall well-being and happiness, rather than solely on their gender identity, and work with qualified professionals when necessary.

It's important to remember that a child's gender identity may be a moment of crisis, and creating a supportive environment for them to explore and share their experiences is crucial. By taking this approach, you will foster a stronger, more trusting relationship with your child, with their whole well-being at the center, not just one aspect of their person. They will know that they are truly loved, supported, and accepted for who they are no matter what– and that is an incredible gift.

To all the children out there questioning their gender identity: you are valid, you are loved, and you deserve to be celebrated for who you are. There is a world waiting for you where you can thrive and live authentically, surrounded by people who will support you every step of the way.

Let us all commit to creating that world – a world where every child can explore their identity freely, without fear or shame. A world where love, compassion, and understanding triumph over ignorance and hate. Together, we can make that world a reality.

Sometime next week we will have a follow up with a part two!