The Cis Agenda: How RANCID Views Are Rotting Society

In recent years, an alarming condition has reached epidemic proportions among the cisgender population. Rapid Adult Narcissistic Cissexism Identity Disorder, or RANCID, is festering in the brains of millions of cis individuals - and experts warn it's spreading fast.

RANCID refers to a putrid combination of bigoted beliefs and behaviors, including:

• Irrational moral panic over the mere existence of trans people
• Narcissistic obsession with enforcing a narrow, cisnormative view of gender on everyone else
• Compulsive parroting of demeaning anti-trans stereotypes and pseudoscience
• Unhealthy fixation on and/or jealousy of trans people's genitals and gametes
• Infantile rejection of decades of established medical consensus on trans care
• Fascistic tendencies, DARVO tactics, and the cultivation of a martyr complex
• Obsessive fear that someone, somewhere, in a public bathroom, might be trans

"We're seeing a disturbing rise in cis people contracting these rancid, noxious attitudes," said Dr. Donnie Darkmann, a leading RANCID specialist. "They're utterly consumed by an unhinged hostility towards anyone who dares to deviate from their myopic view of 'biological sex.'"

RANCID appears to be a social contagion, spreading rapidly in insular cis communities that marinate in transphobic disinformation. Spend enough time stewing in the gender critical sludge on Mumsnet, PITTparents.com, X/Twitter, or 4chan, and even well-meaning cis folks start developing cissexist brain worms.

"Social media algorithms play a huge role in RANCID transmission," explained Dr. Darkmann. "They lock cis people in filter bubbles where transphobic content is fed to them intravenously. Even the most innocuous search can lead someone down a TERF rabbit hole from which there is no escape."

The contagion is spreading offline too. A cis mother catches RANCID from a Mumsnet group and within a week is moaning about "men in women's bathrooms" at the school board meeting. A cis coworker watches one Posie Parker video and suddenly he's the office vector for virulent bigotry. A cis politician stumbles across a far-right forum and the next day she's sponsoring bills to ban trans healthcare. These people then tell others who challenge the to watch the same videos, attend rallies, or read articles that they read, and thus, the infection can spread. Sometimes this happens through an almost evangelical zeal of recruitment, other times they groom friends, family, and loved ones with a more subtle approach.

Like many diseases, RANCID has an incubation period. An infected cis person may go days, weeks, or even months without showing symptoms. They may seem perfectly healthy, a loving friend or family member, while the cissexist rot secretly spreads through their neural pathways. Then one day, triggered perhaps by a trans person simply existing in public, they erupt in a geyser of transphobic bile.

"It's always a shock when someone you thought was an ally suddenly spews RANCID talking points," said one trans man. "You're like, where did this come from? But then you trace their digital footprint and it all makes sense. The warning signs were there."

Researchers have identified several risk factors that increase susceptibility to RANCID, including:

• A fragile grasp of one's own gender identity
• Narcissistic tendencies and a need for moral superiority
• Chronic deficiency of empathy and reason
• Attraction to fascist ideology and far-right politics
• A deep-seated fear of penis shrinkage from soy products

Other red flags include fragile male egos, generalized insecurities, and an inability to recognize when one is being groomed into extremism. In severe cases, RANCID may manifest as an obsessive fixation on other people's genitals.

"In the most severe RANCID cases, we see cis people utterly consumed by their obsession with trans existence," explained Dr. Darkmann. "Every waking moment is spent ranting about bathrooms, coming up with new conspiracy theories about 'the trans agenda,' and posting attack helicopter memes. It's honestly quite tragic."

Dr. Darkmann further explained that “We also commonly see an obsessive fixation on the definitions of ‘male’ and ‘female,’ and the compulsive need to ask everyone what their definition is. Sometimes this coincides with the loss of the ability to control the volume of one’s own voice. We recommend not engaging with people who exhibit these symptoms.”

Take Deborah Smeaton, a 47-year-old cisgender woman. After discovering the "gender critical" movement on Twitter, she quickly contracted an acute case of RANCID. Within days, she was frothing at the mouth about "men invading women's spaces."

"I tried to tell her that trans women are women, but she just plugged her ears and screamed 'BIOLOGY' over and over," said her exasperated son. "She's too pickled in privilege to see reason."

Or consider the case of Graham Linehan, a washed-up British comedian whose career imploded after a severe RANCID infection. His advanced cissexist brain rot led him to throw away his reputation and livelihood in a futile crusade against a marginalized community.

"He went from being the beloved creator of Father Ted to a terminally online bigot screeching about 'trans ideology' to his dwindling audience of TERFs," said one former colleague. "It's like watching someone you love succumb to a flesh-eating virus, or severe substance abuse. Just really sad innit."

But perhaps no RANCID case is more notorious than Posie Parker, the British anti-trans campaigner who has made it her life's mission to harass and demean trans women at every turn. From defacing public property with "women don't have penises" stickers to organizing international hate rallies, Parker is the poster child for late-stage RANCID.

"If you look up 'unhinged cissexist bigot' in the dictionary, you'll find a photo of Posie Parker," said Dr. Darkmann. "Her brain has been so corroded by RANCID ideology that she's incapable of viewing trans people as anything other than a threat to her own fragile sense of womanhood. It would be pitiable if it wasn't so dangerous."

As these cautionary tales illustrate, RANCID is no laughing matter. The fetid stench of these rotten cissexist views is poisoning every corner of society, from politics to healthcare to education. Trans people are left holding their noses and fighting for their right to exist in public.

A 2024 EU survey found that a jaw-dropping 43% of LGBT respondents experienced discrimination in the past year alone, with over a quarter reporting workplace discrimination and 16% facing hostility in healthcare and social services. Most disturbingly, 59% of trans Europeans avoid certain places or locations just to avoid being assaulted or harassed.

The situation is even more dire in the U.S., where the 2022 Trans Survey paints a grim picture of unrelenting abuse. A staggering 45% of American trans respondents reported being verbally harassed in the past year, while 1 in 3 were denied access to homeless shelters or mistreated when seeking help. In healthcare settings, 32% reported negative experiences related to being trans, suggesting that even medical professionals aren't immune to the RANCID brain rot.

Most tragically, 41% of U.S. trans respondents experienced serious psychological distress in the past month - a mental health crisis fueled in no small part by the unrelenting stress of transphobic discrimination. As researcher Florence Ashley notes, "The RANCID epidemic is quite literally killing us."

This is the gruesome reality that RANCID ideology has wrought on both sides of the Atlantic - a world where trans people can't even access basic services, walk down the street, or live authentically without risking rampant abuse. It's not just "mean words" or "differing opinions" - it's a pervasive, deadly scourge of bigotry. And it demands an urgent global response.

"57% of trans respondents reported experiencing at least one form of harassment or discrimination at work, and 32% have faced harassment in medical settings," noted researcher Florence Ashley. "The RANCID epidemic is quite literally killing us."

And it's not just trans folks suffering from the fallout. Cis children are watching helplessly as their parents succumb to hateful anti-trans rhetoric, tearing families apart. Workplaces are being torn asunder by RANCID cases demanding the dehumanization of their trans coworkers. The social fabric is fraying. Cis men and women are being harassed for being guilty of “appearing transgender” in the bathroom.

Yet efforts to contain the outbreak have been met with fierce resistance from the infected cis population. Any attempt to inject a modicum of facts, empathy or reason into their rotting brains is recast as "cancel culture" or "trans activist bullying."

"They're too far gone into their victim mentality to acknowledge their bigotry," said Dr. Darkmann. "In their minds, they're brave warriors defending 'biological reality' against the trans hordes - not small-minded bullies throwing a tantrum because the world is changing."

So what can be done to stop the spread of these RANCID views? Experts say early education and prevention are key. By teaching cis children from a young age that trans people are a natural part of human diversity, we can inoculate the next generation against the gender panic that allows RANCID to take hold. Bringing back “The More You Know” commercial segments to discuss and educate families, and various education ad campaigns seems to help inoculate those who have not yet fallen prey to RANCID attacks.

Other proposed measures include improving positive trans representation in media, designating gender critical forums as hate speech, and offering free cranial-rectal extraction surgeries to those in the throes of advanced cissexism.

But the most important step is for cis people to start policing their own. It's on cis folks to call out RANCID views when they rear their ugly heads - in their families, their workplaces, their places of worship. Silence is complicity.

"I dream of a future where cis people finally get the help they need to work through their issues with trans existence," said trans activist Eli Erlick. "But until then, we'll keep fighting to disinfect a world poisoned by RANCID bigotry."

The stench of cissexism is in the air. It's time for cis people to clean up their act, before it's too late. The clock is ticking.

(Disclaimer: This piece is satire intended to highlight the absurdity of pathologizing trans identity, particularly to the concepts of “ROGD” and “Social Contagion”. It is not meant to stigmatize narcissistic personality disorder or any other mental health conditions.)