The Irony of 'No Debate'

In the heated discussions surrounding transgender rights and gender-affirming care, a common accusation thrown around is that transgender individuals and their supporters engage in "no debate" tactics, shutting down any attempt at discourse or disagreement. However, as I've tried to reach out to parents who oppose gender-affirming care, I've found myself banned, blocked, and silenced at every turn. It seems some very radical and nasty things can be said to just about anyone in these comment sections, so long as it holds the party line, but provide one link to articles that refute the studies they link, or actually read the study they link and point out how they make claims the study never even addresses? Blocked, Banned, Deleted. This experience has led me to question: who really shuts down debate, and what does "no debate" truly mean?

As I've attempted to engage with these parents, offering scientific evidence, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt pleas for understanding, I've been met with a wall of resistance. My account has been banned, my comments deleted, and my voice silenced.

Even when I tried again. And again. And it is not just me. Six other individuals have come forward to share their concerns with me. It's as if any perspective that challenges their rigid, uncompromising beliefs is seen as a threat that must be eliminated.

This behavior is strikingly reminiscent of the totalitarian society depicted in George Orwell's "1984," where the ruling Party maintains control by heavily restricting freedom of thought, expression, and individuality. Dissent is not tolerated, and those who dare to question the Party's narrative are swiftly punished. The Party employs tactics like "Newspeak" to limit the range of ideas that can be expressed, and "thoughtcrime" to criminalize dissenting opinions. In the case of these parents, the punishment takes the form of digital exile - being cast out of the online spaces where these discussions take place, a modern-day version of Orwell's "unpersoning." Then the comments that were made are deleted, almost as if they are revising history to show that there was no dissent here.

It's a bitter irony that the very people who accuse transgender individuals of going "no debate" are the ones who actively shut down any attempt at open, good-faith dialogue. By creating insular echo chambers where only their preferred narrative is allowed to thrive, they stifle the exchange of ideas and the opportunity for mutual understanding and growth.

This behavior is not just intellectually dishonest; it's dangerous. When we silence opposing voices and refuse to engage with different perspectives, we create a breeding ground for misinformation, prejudice, and hatred. We lose the ability to think critically, to challenge our own assumptions, and to empathize with experiences that differ from our own.

So, what does "no debate" really mean? In the hands of those who oppose gender-affirming care, it seems to mean "no dissent." It means a refusal to consider evidence that contradicts their beliefs, a rejection of the very idea that they might be wrong. It means prioritizing ideology over empathy, and dogma over dialogue. It is a form of "doublethink," the ability to simultaneously hold two contradictory beliefs, such as claiming to support open debate while actively silencing dissent.

But true progress and understanding can only happen when we open ourselves up to the possibility of being wrong, of having our views challenged and transformed by new information and experiences. It happens when we approach difficult conversations with humility, curiosity, and a willingness to listen as much as we speak.

To the parents who have banned and blocked me, I ask: what are you afraid of? If your beliefs are so unassailable, why not let them stand on their own merits in the marketplace of ideas? Why not trust that truth will prevail in an open, honest exchange?

And to those who continue to fight for the rights and dignity of transgender individuals, I say: keep speaking up. Keep sharing your stories, your knowledge, and your compassion. Don't let the silencing tactics of a few discourage you from advocating for what is right. Make new accounts, keep challenging them, keep trying to save them from these echo chambers, keep fighting to bring their families back together through the paths of love, forgiveness, respect, and tolerance.

In the end, "no debate" is a losing strategy. It may provide a temporary sense of certainty or security for those who cling to it, but it is built on a foundation of fear and fragility. The truth has a way of making itself known, no matter how hard some may try to suppress it. This means they are losing so much ground and so many potential members to their cause, they are locking down their echo chambers and silencing the opposition. Not because they are vindicated and winning the tide, but because they know they are losing ground and are afraid.

It is fitting that, with so many Orwellian concepts and themes at play within the trans parents groups that spread misinformation and gender critical ideology, we come across a quote by George Orwell that fits neatly into this dynamic:

"The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history."

By controlling the narrative and silencing alternative perspectives, these groups seek to erase the lived experiences and identities of transgender individuals.

In the face of this oppression, the words of Albert Camus ring true:

"The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion."

For transgender individuals and their allies, the very act of living authentically and speaking their truth becomes a form of resistance against the silencing tactics and misinformation of those who would deny their existence.

To the gender critical parents and TERF ideologues, particularly those in groups like the other PITT and RLS, and on similar substacks, Sheryl Sandberg offers a poignant warning:

"The more we deny that we have a dark side, the more power it has over us."

By refusing to acknowledge and engage with the perspectives of transgender individuals and their supporters, these groups allow their own prejudices and fears to control them, ultimately undermining their own humanity and compassion.

So let us continue to debate, to discuss, and to engage with one another, even when - especially when - it's difficult. Let us make new accounts, and carry on trying to bring these families back together, to spare these trans kids the pain and suffering of being estranged, or enforcing healthy boundaries for their own mental and physical safety and emotional well-being - to avoid these options of last resort altogether. Let us redouble our efforts to cast about the seeds of love, compassion, facts, and truth in hopes that one might take root and grow. Let us have the courage to confront ideas that make us uncomfortable, call out the hypocrisy when we see it, hold up that mirror so they can see, and have the grace to admit when we're wrong. Only then can we hope to build a society of true understanding, acceptance, and equality for all.