Transphobia: The Family Destroyer

Submitted by an anonymous parent - they report that since clawing their way out of the transphobic echo chambers online, and attending regular therapy, things with their child has drastically improved. We are so happy for them and wish them well on their journey of healing and acceptance!

There is a transphobia-induced mental health crisis, but not the one you think.

The emerging crisis is the mental health of parents who find themselves swept up in the tide of misinformation and fear, leading them to reject their own children.

I have spent the last year witnessing the madness that is transphobia. Throughout my year observing this phenomenon, I have come into contact with dozens of struggling parents who are also swept up in this harmful mentality. Most people somehow think that being transgender is a choice or a trend. It is not.

I'm saddened to report that my child's authentic pronouncement of their gender identity has been met with resistance and denial, and they're now struggling to maintain their mental health and sense of self. This happened because I initially succumbed to the pressure of the transphobic approach. When parents stay grounded in love and acceptance, generally the kid thrives. Undoubtedly this is the best outcome — for kids to grow up feeling comfortable with their authentic selves, avoiding a lifetime of shame, rejection, and mental health struggles. For some reason though, our society doesn't currently see it this way. The fact that often people who transition experience improved mental health and quality of life is carefully obscured by media and anti-trans activists, because it calls their whole narrative into question.

My child's successful navigation of their identity journey was only possible because of the extraordinary parents and mental health clinicians that are working together behind the scenes to support other parents and to protect our kids from the harm of transphobia. What they are doing comes at a huge cost to their own sanity and mental health.

I have yet to meet a family where one or both parents hasn't had a complete mental collapse following their child's announcement, when they allow transphobia to cloud their judgment. Many have contemplated suicide, some seriously, due to the pain of rejecting their own child, or being rejected by them because of their denial and hurtful behavior. Many parents, moms especially, have had to seek out mental health therapy and anti-depression or anti-anxiety drugs to cope with daily life, in a world where there is a societal threat to their child's well-being AND all of society, seemingly, is aligned against them. I am one of those parents that needed to educate myself into acceptance for a period of weeks just to cope with daily life. Strife between parents is also common, breaking down marriages and sibling relationships, when transphobia takes hold.

Why are these parents losing it? Because in this transphobic movement, our parents desperate for support in their prejudiced views, having been indoctrinated in the false belief that they are somehow the victims of “the woke agenda”, and that they need to defend against made up and disproven conditions such as “ROGD” and “AGP”. That their children, who are realizing their authentic selves, are somehow broken or wrong. These parents will willingly seek out and easily obtain rejection and shame from their own children, even other family members, as that makes them even more of a victim, reinforcing this vicious cycle. They can do this without any understanding, without our support, and without any real mental health screening or therapy. In fact, in my experience, any attempts to bring them to therapy is met with hostility.

The family unit is under siege, as children and forced wrangle with the life or death decision to come out, or to be forced to isolate themselves from their parents to spare themselves more abuse and bullying in the home, while their transphobic parent, with no evidence-based information and tons of public pressure, continue to lay waste to their mental, emotional, and sometimes physical well-being. Children are forced to get a parent-ectomy; as parents are told to reject their loving kids and as their parents prioritize trusting outsiders that do not have their long-term best interests in mind. Some of these parents are seriously mentally ill, with other conditions that may be exacerbated by the rejection and shame they face for being transphobic. It's appalling.

This mental health crisis for parents who succumb to transphobia is real and immediate. It's time that we, as a society, take a step back to decide — is the anti-trans agenda of normalizing rejection and shame (with known harmful effects) and denying necessary medical care to defend the lifestyle and protect "values" of a few, worth harming thousands of individuals and many hundreds of American families?

No, it is not. The sacred bonds of family are at stake, along with the mental and physical health of our children. Parents are starting to fight back against the biggest threat to children's mental and physical health that we've ever encountered: transphobia. We are rising up to put a stop to indoctrination of hate in our schools, and to defend our parental responsibility to love and accept our children unconditionally. Parents pushed back against big tobacco, driving under the influence, Juul and eCigs. We can do it again, this time against the harmful effects of transphobia. But not without some help and support for us first, to break free from the grip of this dangerous mentality.

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