What I Do Not Say

As a transgender woman, I've always known that my journey would be a difficult one – not just for me, but for my poor, suffering parents. After all, what could be more challenging than having a child who knows themselves better than you do?

When I first came out to my mother, I knew she would have a hard time accepting reality. She had always been so proud of her son, so attached to her preconceived notions of who I was and what I should be. I mean, how dare I disrupt her carefully constructed narrative of my life and possible futures?

But nothing could have prepared me for the depths of her self-pity and martyrdom. You see, my mother is a true hero, bravely clinging to outdated stereotypes and discredited theories in the face of overwhelming evidence and expert consensus. She knows that her personal discomfort and anecdotal evidence are far more important than my well-being or the countless studies supporting gender-affirming care.

I'll never forget the day she told me about her groundbreaking research into autogynephilia. "I found my garter belt in your room," she declared triumphantly, as if she had uncovered the secret key to my identity. Never mind that this theory has been widely debunked by medical professionals – my mother's armchair psychology is clearly superior to years of scientific research.

But my mother's true genius lies in her ability to make my transition all about her. She bravely shares her fears and doubts with anyone who will listen, painting herself as the real victim in this scenario. Who cares about the discrimination, violence, and mental health challenges faced by transgender individuals when there are parental feelings to consider?

And don't even get me started on her bathroom anxieties. I struggle with taking that first step into shared public spaces out of necessity. I am worried that I will face threats, police, and transphobic violence simply because I am tall, or that I do not completely “pass” yet. My mother, true to from, is quick to make this about how she is being victimized in this too. Always willing to prioritize her own discomfort over my safety and well-being. She knows that her personal fears are far more important than the fact that there is no evidence of increased violence or misconduct in gender-inclusive facilities. Well, unless we mean against trans women, or those perceived to be trans. But hey, why let facts get in the way of a good old-fashioned moral panic?

But perhaps the most heartwarming aspect of my mother's struggle is her unwavering commitment to dismissing my autonomy and questioning my healthcare providers. She knows that, as a parent, she has the right to override my personal decisions and dismiss the expertise of trained professionals, even though I am an adult. After all, what do doctors and therapists know about gender identity compared to the infallible mother's intuition?

I am so grateful to have a parent who is willing to sacrifice empathy, understanding, and unconditional love in the name of preserving her own narrow worldview. Her self-centered approach to my transition, to reinforce what she wants to be true in spite of what we know to be true, to ignore reality for her own confirmation bias, is truly an art form that can serve as an inspiration to us all.

So, to all the parents out there struggling to make their child's journey about themselves, take heart. With enough self-pity, willful ignorance, and disregard for your child's well-being, you too can become a martyr in the fight against reality’s last stand. Just remember, your feelings always come first – even if it means dismissing the very real experiences and challenges faced by your transgender loved ones. The parents at pittparents.com, and other various sites are happy to welcome and indoctrinate you so that you too, can serve as a member of the herd from which they establish a power base and begin to milk you for your money.